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Should probably pass on dessert. Still not feeling that great. [And she put a sixpack of beer into her stomach.]

I wonder... Nevermind.

You shouldn't drink so much next time. If you want to soothe your nerves, tea is much healthier than alcohol. You're still a teenager, you're damaging your brain and limiting your own genius if you binge drink too often. [Waving an index absentmindedly!! Living up to da Nagging name...]

Hm? It's okay if it's not important. We've been making small talk for a while now, haven't we? [including her own skeletons, yes. totes small time.]

[Not that Ciel could see, but Marisa totally rolled her eyes at the nagging.]

I dunno. I just wonder... if that's what it's supposed to be like. Feel like.

[and all was right in the world...]

That's like trying to describe what it's like to be in love, hehe. Different for everyone, and difficult no matter what. Does that make sense?

Not quite the same, ze. People have to find and discover love. We're all born with a mother. A family. We're not supposed to have to wonder what's it's really like.

I'd argue against it, personally. Someone can die never finding love, just as someone can grow up without a family. Someone can spend their whole life married to a person they don't truly love, just like someone can grow up in a family where they don't think much of their own parents. Given various circumstances, you can switch any part of a person's life around.

Yeah, but this is, like, the most basic of human foundations. So I wonder... is that what it's supposed to be like.

It still all boils down to a 'love' of some kind, though. [...

Smiling a bit, whether or not Marisa can see.] Is it a good feeling?

...kind of. You were so much more irritating when I thought you were my mother than now. But it... I dunno. It was an okay kind of irritation?

[Going to laugh out loud at that.]

That's normal, too. Arguments are quite common in households between adults and teenagers. But you still put up with it even then, didn't you?

...yeah. Except for that whole Rin thing. I wasn't okay with that whole thing. There was something really scary about it and I don't understand why...

[she blinks curiously and peers back at that.]

What do you mean? Were you afraid of how I was going to respond?

Yeah. I remember lying... but because I'd get in trouble if I didn't. And I was scared. I know I was, but I don't get why.

[She looked over at Ciel, truly not understanding at all.] Do you know why?

[She stares back, and...

Nods quietly.]

It's the mentality of these times. Liking someone the same gender as you is frowned upon by society, it was even considered a mental problem at some point. Someone with an orientation like yours living in 1950ies America would be called a disgrace, shunned by family and friends if you were caught.

[sounds like she's reciting from some textbook or something, though.]

...why? Love is love.

[Marisa asking all the hard questions because she just can't grasp the concept of love being 'wrong'.]

I'm afraid I don't know. The Bible emphasizes on procreation, but it's not like it has any verses specifically picking on people who aren't heterosexuals. Things probably got twisted out of proportions somewhere down in history. The world is being more open about it in the 21st century, but in many cultures, that's still an unacceptable thing. [She gives a small shrug, not thinking much of the topic until...

...

...This is the sort of talk kids have with their parents too, don't they?

Haha. No chuckling out loud now, not this time.]

[Please. Okay, maybe it is, but it's already been established Marisa didn't exactly have a home life and this isn't an issue in Gensokyo. She IS the Witch of Love.]

Oh. I guess I can get the whole needing to have kids thing cause otherwise humans will just die out. But still. Love is love. [She shrugs.] I don't wanna have kids anyways. Probably be terrible at it anyways. Can barely take care of myself and then there's my research and the whole short life expectancy thing...

[which is good for you!! growing up not-so-healthily but free...]

That's the sound reasoning, isn't it. Haha, you'd be more suited for the father figure in a family, but I agree. You can barely handle yourself as is, God help your children if you actually do end up having any.

There'd have to be a guy my age I was interested in. The only one I am is too old for me and doesn't like me anyways. Not like that. He's probably the closest thing I have to family. More of a father than my real one, anyways.

But I figure I only have another twenty years if I'm lucky. Shouldn't have kids anyways.

Oh, I didn't just mean if you found a boy. I'm sure you'll manage, even if it was a girl.

[she is

possibly implying what she may be implying]

[MOVING ON]

You could make that time longer if you changed a few things about your routine, [...] Mari. It's not entirely too late, just yet.

[Not even thinking about what things she could manage along those lines with magic.]

The only way for that to happen is if I gave up magic, did what my real father wanted, and moved back to the Human Village and took over the shop. I won't do that. Magic is my life. I still haven't found what I'm looking for, what I want, what I need. If I don't push myself, push my limits, I'll never get there. I'll never find the key.

And in Gensokyo, that means I'm not going to live too far into my thirties. And if I do, I probably won't be human anymore. I want to die human, ze.

["I want to die human."

...

Have a quiet and subdued look of mild shock, there. Because

hm

wow

that hits close to home, huh.]

[When there's no response, Marisa rolls fully over and pillows her head, looking at Ciel.]

...what'd I do?

[--whoops. Back on guard now, and she simply smiles softly back in response, like always.]

Nothing. So it can't be helped, hm? "The star that burns the brightest, burns the quickest."

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